When you are surrounded with people who want to celebrate their moments, you tend to share their moment of happiness and then take a step back and reflect on your own situations. Loads of my girlfriends tell me about how wonderful, how truly amazing it is their boyfriends are and the little things they do… I feel like they want it to be a competition, whose boyfriend can be categorized as perfect.
I tend to keep strong and remind myself, looking at what you don’t have makes you jealous of what others do. As humans we can’t help but do it, its natural to dislike our own appearances yet favor other ones. How can we find peace within our circumstances when others make us feel insecure?
Its that certain time and venture into that dark incognito of my mind. Why can’t I ever feel good enough for myself? Why is it I find a fault in every move I make, I don’t sit there and congratulate myself I doubt it all.
Another thing is the over-commercialism of Valentines day.
You’d expect me to be excited about it, but for me it is another day. I do hope that I can be given a card, a text or even a call… Because it is what is EXPECTED. I dislike having strong expectations, they never tend to be met because of my excitement in the first place.
Furthermore, I am ranting and touching on small things that have made me feel this way. I know that I am intelligent and can give others the most beautiful words, the ones I give myself is to ‘Expect the unexpected’ and ‘fleet endlessly, higher and higher’. I know that all I have to do is to talk to her. ( Aka my mind). I may need to have chats with my contemporary God, since I am a contemporary Christian.