I am sorry I haven’t written anything these past days, I feel extremely paranoid and depressed. So I don’t know what it is I should say. I think I need to take up swimming again, I need to produce more endorphin’s for my body. I am beyond insecure and feel as fat as I did the first time round. I need to start losing weight again, I need to do so many things but the question is am I ready for change?