I am overwhelmed with many sorrowful thoughts that I could have spent this friday not being lonely. It is not the fact I am a loner or have no one around me, it is just one of those days where you want nothing but the comfort of stuffed bear to assure life is not as hard as it makes out to be. ( I find difficulty in believing) I am currently at my laptop ( the only true love in my life, the only thing that I am IN love with and has been with me through much drama/ or even caused it). Its obvious I am addicted to the Internet, its the bloody 21st century who isn’t?
I have much to do this weekend, much to still learn about myself and much that I can’t change. Fear consumes my thought just as deeply as the thought of not achieving anything or becoming nothing but a failure does. I must assure myself, (as I play heroic theme music) I shall find justice and courage in myself to find my calling. I seriously need to find my ‘voice’ again, that ping or pang that would make a reader tremble at my words. Then again, I could just sit here in my sorrow and hope for a better day. Well I have written a poem to conclude my pitiful mood.
Deep into my loneliness,
Found myself a piece of mess,
I think about what could have been,
Then I realise not to let drift of my wildest dreams.
I think of you and what I am when I am with,
The fact is my mind can’t leave you alone.
How is it you ask me to forget the shadows you left in my heart?
You ask me to forget, your smile, your eyes, your body and soul.
It is like asking me to dig a whole – bury endlessy every kiss,
touch that you ever gave me.
Is it so hard for me to admit, or understand.
Apart of you – you with eyes so pure, so sure and certain-
Will always be a part of me.
Amy Mackic, 17
(I also want to point out I am in love with Egar Allan Poe, I wish I could have been subject to his poetry, his words are so beautiful and make me tremble with emotion and think of the standard of love that was felt back in the day)